January 9th, 2024 was my 29th birthday. I turned 29, last year in my twenties – woo! I woke up with so much to be excited for, very satisfied with where I am in life, and proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish. I had so much to be thankful for, but the thought of “what if people don’t post me today” creeped in like an ex you’re trying to get rid of. Stupid – I know, but don’t tell me you’ve never done the same thing because I will call bullshit – haha!
As the day goes by, I started becoming obsessed in seeing who is going to tag me in a happy birthday post. Obsessively checking my Instagram for notifications and when I get a post – woo!! It’s like I won the lottery. It consumed my day more than I would like to admit to myself.
One of the things I hate about Instagram is sometimes we look to it for self-worth. In my case, my immediate thought was if no one posts me it’s because no one cares about me, I have no friends, and I will turn into an old lady who has 37 cats, all of which are her only friends. When I say it out loud, it sounds crazy, but these are the insane stories we tell ourselves.
So many people texted me that day, high school friends that I’ve been friends with for over 10 years, but for some reason the people that texted me didn’t fill my cup as much as a stupid post on Instagram did. I feel so silly for saying it, but that was the self-centered ego in me talking. If you REALLY think about it, getting a text, privately directed to you, is so much more personal than a stupid post.
So, why did it matter to me so much?!
Instagram is a platform that if you allow it, can negatively feed your ego. I probably cared so much because a post is like a proclamation to the world that everyone sees.
Hey! Look at me! I have friends! I am loved!
And when I really sat to think about all the people that texted me, I caught myself in my own bullshit.
This shit doesn’t even matter! A stupid post doesn’t even matter! There are so many people that love and care about me and are grateful for me in their lives that whether they posted me shouldn’t define the quality of our relationship or how important they are to me.
So, whether it’s your birthday or you just posted a picture that didn’t get as much likes as you would like, don’t allow Instagram to negatively fuel your ego. It distracts you from all the beauty you have in front of you, the quality relationships you have with others, and your sense of self-worth.
The self-sabotage isn’t worth it – trust me.
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