There are days that I feel like a bad bitch, but there are days that I feel like a sack of potatoes. Why do we treat ourselves this way? Picking our bodies apart and shaming ourselves for the way that we look. Do you do the same with someone that you love? Do you encourage their destructive self-talk? Probably not. So, why do we do this to ourselves?
Now, I’m not going to blame the kids that bullied me when I was younger for being fat, or who made fun of me for my ears, but the residual effects linger. I also can’t blame social media for showing me all these perfect bodies, but the residual effects still linger.
Sometimes I feel shame looking at myself in the mirror, like I don’t want to see the reflection that is looking back at me. So – I stare at myself in the mirror. I sit down and I stare. Stare at every curl, at every freckle, at my ears that stick out a little. I stare at my arms, my hands, the shape of my breasts, the golden tone of my skin. I stare at my stomach, how it looks when I sit, when I stand up – every roll and crevice that forms. I stare at my legs, the muscle that I’ve so proudly built but that I sometimes feel shame about because of how “big” they look. I stare at my calves and my feet and I pick my calves apart for being too small compared to the rest of my legs.
And I choose to love all of it.
I switch out the condemning, dark lens I am looking through and replace them with my rose colored glasses.
I choose to love my ears that slightly stick out, that allow me to hear perfectly well. Or the curls that aren’t perfectly curly but add life to the rest of my hair. I choose to love the shape of my stomach, sitting, standing, after a big meal, in the morning’s when I have “morning skinny”. The same stomach that digests my food and allows me to give my body the nutrition that I need. I choose to love my legs, the muscle that reflects signs of vitality and strength. I stare at myself in the mirror and choose to love all of me. The ideal and the not so ideal. The strong and the weak. The perfect balance of order and chaos.
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